This post is NOT judgemental..it could be the truth,it could be a bored person writing on a sunday afternoon and not engaged in mind blowing copulation (i really can’t get over this word) or it could be an observation; whichever way you look at it,i hope it makes you smile!!
Nairobi like any other city in a developing country is becoming really cosmopolitan and at an extremely high rate, everything is changing..the people are changing, the clubs are changing, the levels are only going higher and hopefully the leadership too (vote wisely). The more things change, the more they remain the same especially in the party scene so here is my little list of party goers in my beautiful city with a detailed explanation of course.
Papichulos
Papichulos are the big bosses..you can find him posted at the bar with a bottle of Jack Daniels in white linen with the ray ban shades on his forehead. He looks about 105 at most and 45 at least. He should be at a members club with men his age discussing politics but he’d rather be at Volar where else will he see the beautiful young women his daughter’s age though?he has lots and lots of money, he will at times have a young girl by his side but you never see them talking. They are just observing, picking out their prey or rubbing their pot bellies. The young men want to be him or hate him but watch out now.Sharing is caring they say but his money is not the only thing he’ll be sharing with you.Also,he’s constantly checking his pocket to make sure his wedding ring is still intact.look closely.
Swag Lords
These are the men and women that trap all day,play all night. Whether its the well dressed gentlemen with beers and bottles at their table having a great time with their boys (and girls) or the beautiful ladies with the cocktail glasses and killer heels out on a girl’s night out looking scrumptious. These are the people that work hard and play even harder., with a full university education probably till the PHd level from here or abroad; intelligent conversation, roaring laughter and credit cards are all they got, throw in a few accents here and there too. They are also the one group that have the most closeted gays and lesbians.They make it look so easy but they’re struggling just like everyone with secrets and desires. i appreciate these ones though, balance is everything.
Struggling socialites
Where to start? you’ll find these ones at every single event. You won’t know for sure what it is they do with their lives. They are the lives of the party and will tweet their location ever so often so that we never forget! I REPEAT You’ll never know what exactly they do with their lives. They’ll be at all the classy events but will probably have a bottle of kibao in the car and will ever so often run outside to take a swig, reason being the drinks at the joint they’re at are too expensive for them. When they walk into the joint you want to be their friend, up until they start name dropping how their grand father used to be the 2nd under secretary in the Ministry of Finance. WHO THE FUCK CARES what your relatives do?the million dollar question is WHAT DO YOU DO? They’re also the ones who used to be the sufferers (see below) and couldn’t wait to become swag lords so they worked hard and made money and everyone knows their name but in reality “you can take the boy out of the village but the village in the boy..” my point is BE YOURSELF.ACT YOUR WAGE. Most people these people go out to impress don’t care, when all is said and done father time catches up, this is not the United States where your paid to go out and make appearances. This is Kenya, people work hard to get by. Funny thing is this group is the most discriminative; they want to know what you do, what your parents do,where you live and will only be your friends if they have something to gain by being associated with you. They feel entitled, life has a way of sorting them out.Thank God.
Chipos
You’ll spot this ones at about 3am at the club, almost doing a somersault along with that bendover, they almost everytime have horrible weaves, a toothbrush and stockings (for their short skirt in the morning) in their clutch for the next day. You’ll find desperate men talking to these ladies when reggae/african music is playing at the club (usually it indicates the DJ is wrapping up for the night) or outside Qs or Changes at that shawarma or choma sausages’ guy’s spot. You could also find them next to a cab trying to negotiate in between their heated kisses. The guy chipos are usually alone at the club, haphazardly grinding on unsuspecting ladies (We HATE your kind btw) most of the time they drink two to three beers from 11pm to 5 am. Watch out for these groups, people who behave the way this group behaves have little close to nothing to lose. They’re capable of anything.
Sufferers
These are the ones that studied in the heart of Kirinyaga.Siaya,Kilgoris,Busia,Marakwet,Machakos,Marsabit,Turkana (you get the point) from like nursery to form four. They are in Nairobi chasing the big dream working or studying. There is not enough space here to explain their behaviours. Lucky for all of us, their accent gives them away from a mile, sometimes they smell like fair and lovely or brut.Most of the time, they are really good natured people just trying to have a good time. They never pretend to be something they’re not. They”re my personal favourites. One day they’ll be as snobbish as we Nairobians are, i cross my fingers they don’t forget where they came from. They’ll lose the plot if they do.
Nairobians
Nairobians my favourite people. They are snobbish, full of oxymoron/double standards. They love to drink and will find ANY excuse. Nairobians are special people, they come up with the most hilarious shit yo! they are educated and hustlers!we are the nyama choma and tusker nation while watching soccer tukiburudika na marafiki. We love to party, you will never understand us unless you were born and lived here all your life. We are the city of beautiful women who like wearing tights and bubble dresses. We are the city of handsome men that love money, soccer and subarus!We are the nation that has crazy traffic on the friday at the end of the month.You know where we’re headed! When you come here, you never want to leave!
All with a light touch!:-)
Brucey 